New Japan Pro Wrestling 5/5/09: Hiroshi Tanahashi & Koji Kanemoto vs. Takeshi Morishima & Kota Ibushi

For something completely different, I offer you a review of some fairly recent Japanese pro wrestling. I’ll get back to women’s wrestling in a bit, but I’ve been looking forward to this match since I heard it announced.

Tanahashi and Morishima appear to be having a contest to see who could find the most flamboyant jacket. As expected, Morishima wins, but only barely. The match starts out with Kanemoto and Ibushi having a rather tentative strike exchange that reminds of when my friends and I try to use regular strikes in Fire Pro but keep just barely missing each other because the game has no real sense of depth. This quickly transitions into some hyper junior-style flipping around, which Ibushi looks way more comfortable doing.

And then, they tag out and it’s time for the heavies. So yeah, just when the match was warming up, we’re back to a feeling out process with the other two guys. Collar and elbow tie-up, Tanahashi works an arm twist, and then settles into a headlock that he just won’t let go of. I’m going to avoid doing play by play, since you could just watch the match for that. Morishima is throwing some heavy-ass lariats in this match…the kind that make me remember why I had been looking forward to his GHC title reign, and was then so bitterly disappointed at the kinder, gentler fatboy that was Takeshi Morishima, GHC Heavyweight Champ.

This being a New Japan match, Morishima and Ibushi and clearly the “heels”, and it falls to Kanemoto to play the face in peril during this match. He takes a lot of punishment in this match, but his fighting spirit is incredible, and his offense never loses its ferocity. Kanemoto’s exchanges with Morishima are particularly awesome, with Kanemoto making quick, fierce attacks only to be beaten down by Morishima’s sheer mass. His exchanges with Ibushi are more even, with a lot of strike exchanges. Oddly enough, this match had me wishing for a Kanemoto/Morishima singles match.

Anyway, getting back to this match, there are some funny moments wherein Tanahashi loses all common sense and attempts to hit moves on Morishima that clearly violate the laws of physics (dragon suplex, body slam), but does manage a german suplex that looks less like a suplex and more like he decided to roll a 290lb. man onto his face for the lulz. Morishima no sells, attacks, then falls victim to another german. There are also some great nearfalls, including an ankle lock on Ibushi that appears to have even fooled the timekeeper, as I distinctly heard a bell chime once before he realized his mistake.

If you like most of the guys in this match (and really, you should), then you already know that you want to watch this. By mid-match, Ibushi is all fired up and bouncing around, Morishima is clubbering mofos like a chubby Japanese Terry Gordy, Kanemoto is just being fucking awesome, and Tanahashi has very pretty hair. Haha, just kidding, he’s great in this match as well, though I honestly think Kanemoto outworked him here. The finish is just brutal, with Morishima absolutely murdering Kanemoto with lariats, the last one apparently resulting in a legit K.O. (the ref literally just stops counting at 2, realizes that Kanemoto is out, and calls the match).

Good times all around.

SHIMMER Women Athletes Volume 20

Shark Girl vs Veronika Vice
I don’t do Shark Girl matches. I’ll spare you the editorializing about why/how much I hate these matches.

The Canadian Ninjas vs Allison Danger/Jennifer Blake
Video recap of Volume 19. Words can’t describe how much I love the phrase “You’re nothing but a DIET CANADIAN!”

This crowd doesn’t boo heels very often, and the Canadian Ninjas are “cool heels”, so thy sure as hell aren’t getting booed here. Still, Perez deserves credit for her pre-match mic work, putting herself over as the “Master of Avoiding the Bodyslam”. This leads up to a challenge to Allison Danger, worth $1000 (Canadian dollars, of course), to bodyslam Portia Perez within the first minute of the match. The crowd starts a brief “USA” chant (followed by a “jailbait” chant), because hey, if you can’t be an ass on DVD, why buy tickets to a show that’s being taped?

This is without a doubt the best performance I’ve seen from Portia Perez in SHIMMER, from the bodyslam challenge, to her throwing a t-shirt at Allison Danger during Danger’s introduction by the ring announcer, she put forth a real effort to make the comedy in this match work. Allison Danger, meanwhile, is the perfect straight-man for this kind of match (“Do you know what I can do with a thousand Canadian?” she asks Blake just before the bell), and while I’m still not totally sold on Blake, she looks better in this match than any of her previous SHIMMER work. And lest one think that I am overlooking Nicole Matthews, she was great in this match as well, though her role in the Canadian Ninjas is generally in the background, letting Perez do most of the talking, I think that Nicole Matthews is the most consistent of the two in-ring, having had more consistently good singles matches on prior volumes that I’ve seen.

It is Matthews and Danger that start off the match, after Perez tags out immediately to win the ‘cannot be bodyslammed within the first minute’ bet. They trade wristlocks for a bit, then Danger tags in Blake, and Matthews tags out and we’re back to comedy (the good kind). Portia and Blake manage to construct a set up for Blake’s (usually ridiculous) ‘dropkick to a seated opponent’ spot that is at once totally obvious, but not completely insulting to one’s intelligence. Rather than the usual setup of:
1. Blake casually walking into the crowd,

2. asking to borrow a chair, and then

3. setting it up (all while her opponent is conveniently out of sorts), THEN

4. dragging her opponent (still unresisting) to the chair and sitting them down, THEN

5. getting a running start for the dropkick (with this exhausted opponent never either getting off the damn chair, or being so tired that they just slide off), and finally

6. doing the goddamn dropkick

Instead they just have Portia, playing the cowardly heel, take a powder after a slap exchange and roll outside, taking a chair to “catch a breather”. Jennifer Blake, channeling a Warner Bros. cartoon (in a good way) sneaks around the ring and hits a running dropkick on the seated Portia, knocks her around a bit, and then tosses her back inside.

This is getting way too close to play by play for my taste, so I’ll move for a moment to Prazak’s commentary here, which is actually quite good. As I said previously, I think he’s a much better announcer when working alone, and he puts over Blake as a rising young star without laying it on as thick as Allison Danger usually does. Getting back to the match, Perez and Matthews take control of the match with some fun heel work, and Blake plays the face-in-peril role very well. They really want Blake’s ‘machine-gun chops in the corner’ spot to catch on with the crowd, but I’m not sure that these guys know/care about Kenta Kobashi enough to get the joke.

The end comes a little suddenly, as a fairly light-looking kick to the shoulder from Perez sends Allison Danger into a paroxysm of overselling, leading to the Canadian Ninjas picking up the win via Fujiwara Armbar. If this is where they were headed, a bit of shoulder to set it up would have been nice. Allison Danger was supposedly recovered from the Air Raid Crush that broke her collarbone, so having it suddenly flare up after a simple kick (and a somewhat weak looking one at that) doesn’t do anything for the match. Happily, the post-match beatdown shenanigans add some much-needed heat to the heels, and Allison Danger forces us to believe in the injury by sheer force of will (and selling).

Amazing Kong vs Danyah
Danyah does a weird honorarium to the entrance of AJ Styles (with that sleeveless hoodie), sans the pyro. And that’s really the highlight of this whole thing. Well, besides the guy in the audience going “Oh God….OH MY GAWD!” as soon as Kong’s music starts. I feel like I should write more about an Amazing Kong match, but honestly…this is a special attraction, not a match in the strictest sense of the word. The crowd is into it for the mauling, and this match delivers. Danyah has a great physique, but has the problem of a lot of big rookies; she hasn’t learned how to sell her own size yet. It’s not much of a problem here, but it does haunt her other SHIMMER work, and if she’d given me cause to believe in her strength here, this might have been a more interesting match. As it is, it’s quite entertaining, as good as any Kong squash, complete with brief babyface comeback, and the Powerbomb of DOOOM.

Interview with LuFisto
Lufisto gives a pretty good promo, but nothing sticks in my memory so much as her losing her train of thought for a few seconds and staring at Becky Bayless’ cleavage. Even Bayless seemed surprised by that one. Given how reasonably professional the in-ring part of the show looks though, there’s no excuse for filming the interviews in a flourescent-lit hallway with an annoying, constant background buzz.

Daffney vs Cat Power
For most of this review, I’ve been watching the matches a second time, and using the second viewing to recall my initial thoughts when watching the match. In the case of this match, it isn’t necessary, because I remember my thoughts quite well: Why is Cat Power chain-wrestling with Daffney?

I mean really…this is the same Cat Power who, one volume ago (literally earlier in the same evening that this match was taped) was clubbering and powering her way through a tag match, and now she’s going hold for hold with Daffney? It makes no sense. Are they trying to establish some kind of credibility for Daffney? And if so, then why does she lose via knee injury on every occasion that she wrestles under her ‘real name’ (rather than as Shark Girl) in SHIMMER? The match is reasonably solid, but Daffney bounces from ‘serious’ to ‘comedy’ randomly throughout the match, which is either confusing, or hearkening back to her psycho character in WCW…take your pick. They build to the finish rather well, but Cat Power the technician isn’t nearly as interesting (or well executed) as Cat Power the mauler, and going 50/50 with Daffney (the first few minutes are dominated by Daffney, which is weird) doesn’t really do much for one’s aura of menace. And…didn’t Daffney give an interview in SHIMMER where she said her main interest was managing? Wasn’t she managing Ms. Chif? What happened to that?

Jetta and Rain vs Ashley Lane and Neveah
We start with a recap of Volume 18, which saw Lane and Neveah facing off against the Minnesota Home Wrecking Crew (Rain and Lacey), which kicked off their winning streak. Honestly, the sight of Jetta and Rain makes me reach for the ‘skip’ button these days, but I’m going to stick this one out.

. . .

Okay, to hell with this. I’m watching bad comedy based on how Jetta pronounces the word “water”, and I just don’t have the patience. I’m done.

Nikki Roxx vs Ariel
Ah, another face/face encounter. This is coming right after Ariel’s “breakout” match against Sara Del Rey on volume 19. Nikki Roxx wrestles a lot like the babyface Del Rey, but tends to sell more. She also swings a mean-looking Polish Hammer, the kind that warms my heart on a cold winter’s day.

This match is chapter 3 in the process of rehabbing Ariel from a mid-card jobber into an upper mid-card staple who can pop into their main events when they decide to wean themselves off of their TNA-contracted talent. The process (which started with a DQ win over Kong, and continued with her ‘respectable’ loss against Del Rey on volume 19) is moving along nicely, but it needs a kick in the ass from Ariel herself, in my opinion. I’m glad to see the booking finally giving her something to work with, but she needs something more…some interesting signature moves to set her apart, and a more interesting finisher than a simple Ace Crusher. She looks really solid in this match, pulling out some nice looking suplexes, but looking at how she just barely held onto Nikki Roxx after catching her before a powerslam shows part of the problem: while she’s a bit stocky, she’s not of a size well-suited to power wrestling. Some more highspots (flying heelkick, maybe?) would be nice. Moving on, after one DQ win and one “moral” victory, Ariel manages a win against an established name with a victory roll. Baby steps, baby steps. The rehab is almost complete.

Sara Del Rey vs Serena Deeb
I’ve already said everything I have to say about their respective look changes in the volume 19 review. I gotta say though, the constant ‘monster face’ is becoming a little grating. I appreciate the effort, but c’mon…look at the cover of Shimmer Volume 20. You see Sara, with the new makeup, with a look of cold, grim menace. She looks ready to stomp somebody. Now look at her in the match: eyes bulging, her mouth constantly biting her bottom lip…it makes her look like some kind of deranged rabbit, which I have to believe isn’t the effect she was going for.

Unlike the volume 19 match, there isn’t any “RAGE!” driving this match, so we start off a bit more slowly, with Del Rey’s usual chain wrestling. The differences between her face and heel style are subtle but noticeable at the start of the match. The execution of her holds is more aggressive, she strikes more often (including some excellent headbutts and a nice elbow that looks like it went straight into Deeb’s face), and she’s constantly making that damn rabbit face.

Goofy expressions aside, this match is good times. Deeb is at her best against an experienced opponent working heel, and this match offers some interesting contrasts to the previous favorite Deeb match, against Malia Hosaka on volume 14. Whereas Hosaka is a bit smaller than Deeb, Del Rey offers a larger opponent without being as overpowering as, say, Amazing Kong. Deeb works wonderfully from defense, which is harder to do than it sounds. Keeping a crowd’s interest while you’re having your legs worked over for 5-10 minutes is essential, but that doesn’t mean that everyone can do it well. Deeb does in this match. For Del Rey’s part, this match offers some additional definition to her new heel character. Unlike the match against Ariel, where she seemed like a completely different wrestler, here she wrestles like an asshole version of the American Angel character. If you watched this match and the volume 19 match in reverse order, you’d probably get a greater feeling of continuity, but that’s just nitpicking.

Deeb doesn’t get a lot of time on offense here, but she makes very good use of it, working in her big spots (monkey flip, hook punches, teasing the spear) to mount a babyface comeback that keeps the crowd into things. And because she’s been fairly well protected as a mid-carder prior to this, the results are a bit more effective at creating a sense of hope in the audience than the Ariel match on volume 19 did, but then again, that match was sold on the heat of Del Rey’s official heel turn and the beatdown on Ariel.

Last but not least, I’d like to point out that Dave Prazak sounded much better selling the drama of this match than he has in previous attempts. Often his “C’mon! This is absolutely uncalled for!” lines come off as canned, but his emotion feels less forced here. It’s hard to sell emotion laying down commentary tracks weeks or months after the show was taped, so I’ve got to tip my cap here.

LuFisto vs Cheerleader Melissa
I’m going to get this out of the way: you want to see this. Now in all likelihood, you already know that, but I have to be sure. If you’re a wrestling fan who likes rough and tumble wrestling where people actually look like they’d like to hurt somebody, this is going to be up your alley. My only wish is that this match had the kind of buildup it deserved, rather than just a hallway interview with LuFisto.

We start out with a brief (the key word is brief) bit of comedy, and then we’re straight into the clubbing forearms  and sharp kicks. LuFisto is very vocal, and her grunts and hells add all of the soundtrack the match needs; while there’s nothing I can complain about with the commentary, it really seems unnecessary for this match. The only light strikes in the match come during a slap exchange, and even those are audible (and clearly the intent with the slaps was more of a bravdo thing than damaging offense). The return of evil Cheerleader Melissa is more than welcome, temporary though it may be. This isn’t about heels and faces though…it’s an “indie dream match”, and it shows. The crowd applauds for the big spots, and the closest we get to boos for bad behavior are “ohhhhh!” reactions for particularly brutal looking spots.

I won’t say that this is the best match I’ve seen from either woman, but it’s always a pleasure to watch a match with two great workers at the prime of their ability and experience; they’ve been around long enough that the crowd knows them well, and they know how to play their characters in the ring to perfection; even without interviews, you’ll know everything you need to know about LuFisto and Cheerleader Melissa from watching this. Once the match heats up, the crowd is hanging on every elbow and suplex, and who could blame them? The big moves here look like absolute murder, particularly the Kudo Driver. If I had to nitpick, there was a definite feeling of something missing, but I think that’s just the lack of history between the two. With no issue driving the match, and no previous encounters, there wasn’t a lot to build a story on. But this is exactly the kind of match that legendary feuds are built on. An excellent match in its own right, and a perfect appetizer for our main event.

Ms. Chif (c) vs Mercedes Martinez (Shimmer Title Match)
A video package re-introduces us to Mercedes Martinez, recapping the finishing stretches of her matches against Sara Del Rey on volume 8, Wesna on Volume 17, Cindy Rogers on volume 18, and Cheerleader Melissa on volume 19. I have to say I’m having a bit of trouble separating the “Saito Suplex” from the backdrop driver that Takeshi Morishima uses…the grip looks very similar. Ah well, it’s an awesome finish either way.

Again, to get this right out of the way: this is a far, far superior title defense to the volume 19 match against Jetta, and compares favorably against both Melissa/LuFisto from this same volume, and Mercedes/Melissa from volume 19.

Mercedes Martinez becomes my favorite-est person in SHIMMER by finally putting an end to the screaming silliness by immediately eye-gouging Ms. Chif the minute she starts up, then forearming her into oblivion. Ms. Chif recovers and the two of them go back and forth to start. Ms. Chif excels at making her opponent’s offense look incredible, and Martinez excels at looking like eight kinds of murder, so this is a match made in heaven. I had a feeling during this match that Martinez as working through some kind of a knee problem, but I can’t be sure. No complaints with the execution of this match from me. Mercedes’ strikes are a thing of beauty, and she makes a bruised purple mess out of Ms. Chif’s chest here. I wouldn’t say that they went “broadway” by any means, but they sure as hell put a lot into this match. There’s a snapmare into the railing midway through the match that looks particularly harsh.

There isn’t much more I can say about this without resorting to play by play; there are some absolutely incredible spots in this match, including a Desecrator reversal into an elevated Spinebuster that deserves to be in any and every Shimmer highlight reel. This is the kind of title defense that adds prestige to a title belt, and the promotion itself. This is probably the best Shimmer title match in the belt’s brief history, with my previous favorite, Volume 14′s Del Rey/Lacey encounter, coming in a respectable second.

SHIMMER Women Athletes Volume 19

When I first got into women’s wrestling, you had to import the stuff from Japan. Now, that’s still a good idea, as there is some great stuff still going on out there, but modern fans have the convenience of reasonably high-quality women’s wrestling right here in the United States. But back to my point. When I was first watching women’s wrestling, the main promotions that people were talking about were ARSION and AJW. AJW was generally acknowledged as the top of the heap, both because of it’s history and also the high workrate of its upper card. But I preferred ARSION, because back in those days one had to buy tapes, and ARSION tapes were a better value.

Why, you ask? Because AJW tapes had a lot of ‘fast forward’ material, at least to my eyes back then. Midget matches, rookie matches (do you like dropkicks? Yes?  Do you want to watch a girl learn how to throw a good drop-kick in real time? Me neither. It was like paying to watch wrestling school). ARSION, on the other hand, had maybe one FF-worthy match per tape, for the most part. They were working with a smaller roster as I recall, and their rookies were phenomenal by any standards. People had the audacity to complain about the work of Ai Fujita and Ayako Hamada back then (too spotty! too many highspots!), but you’re lucky to get a fraction of that quality in a 2-3 year wrestler these days. Outside of Okuda, who develops that fast?

So how does this relate to SHIMMER? Well when I first started watching about a year ago, I enjoyed their cards top to bottom, for the most part. The undercard was kind of basic, but they had talent like Malia Hosaka to guide their rookies in the undercard matches, and when the lowest tier is reserved for someone as good as, say, Ariel (who looks to be moving up the card now…good for her), you’re guaranteed a good DVD value. After the Volume 14 tapings in Florida, however, something seems to have changed. Well, lots of things.

The acquisitions of Daffney and Jetta have definitely tilted the scales in favor of comedy. Things only got worse when Daffney brought in the Shark Girl gimmick. I’m not of the ‘all comedy matches are terrible’ school of internet wrestling fandom, but there’s a limit, you know? There’s a place for it. Ass-biting and random groping is what I expect from WWE Divas, not a promotion that has defined itself as being a force against the trivialization of women in wrestling. And like a virus, the goofiness spread upwards through the card.

Ms Chif’s screaming, once a small part of her overall gimmick, became a 5 minute skit to open all of her matches, repeating the same ‘referee is afraid to search her’ gag unto eternity. Lacey’s in-ring banter and shenanigans went from a nice nod to old-school heeling to a tiresome, ridiculous 3-woman comedy act that has never been funny. And no matter how hard I try, I don’t think I’ve ever enjoyed a Jetta match before.

Perhaps SHIMMER simply succeeded too well. Wasn’t part of the idea to give the best female wrestlers in the indies a chance to show off their stuff? Two years ago that was quite a list, and there were a lot of dream matches. Perhaps SHIMMER, much like ROH, is simply suffering from talent attrition; sure, Cheerleader Melissa and Nikki Roxx are still available for bookings, but putting your title on someone that TNA could snatch away at any moment is unwise, so SHIMMER is left to build themselves up with a new crop of indie female wrestler…a much greener, but still enthusiastic wrestler. They are left with Jennifer Blake, Danyah, Cat Power, and Veronika Vice, for better or worse.

So why continue to watch? Well, that’s the qustion, isn’t it? I’ve been thinking it over myself, and it is with this in mind that I am watching Volume 19 of the DVD series, hailed by some as a return to form for SHIMMER. I can’t watch that much wrestling in one sitting, so I’ll be doing the DVDs one at a time. We start with Volume 19, which looks interesting and kind of blah at the same time. Interesting because of the Battle Royal that it opens with, blah because of an undercard full of Shark Girl, Danyah, and plenty of other people I don’t appreciate all that much (I really want to like Lorelei Lee…I have dreams of her cowgirl gimmick morphing into some kind of young, female Stan Hansen, but I know it will never be…)

21 Woman Battle Royal
I will keep this brief, because nobody in their right mind reviews a Battle Royal. I’ve seen them on TV, and I’ve seen them live; the latter is the right way to watch them. Battle Royals are awesome when viewed live; there is almost no way to screw it up; for the live viewer, it’s like watching 2-4 brawls at the same time, and the sensory overload is everything that you’ve been missing in pro wrestling since you grew up and realized it was fake. On TV, however, the camera angles never do it justice, the entrances are distracting, and you’re always missing something awesome because the area you were watching just devolved into a punch exchange to fill time.

This is, I think, the first Shimmer Battle Royal, and it kind of shows. You see, those punch exchanges I mentioned are the key to any Battle Royal, because there are too many people in the ring to really run the ropes that much, or even do much in the way of chain wrestling. SHIMMER is and has been many things, but it has never been the home of a lot of awesome strike exchanges. Yes, Mercedes Martinez, Cheerleader Melissa, Amazing Kong, and LuFisto are all exceptions to this, but they are four women in a sea of 21. Serena Deeb throws some nice hooks, but she generally uses them as a mid-match spot, and her standard striking still looks a little weak to me…but more on that, and her, later. I’ll count this one as a thumbs up, as it’s a notable milestone in the promotion’s history, even if it kind of exposes how weak their booking has been lately (no number one contender? REALLY? The best you can come up with for MsChif’s first defense is JETTA?!) To end this on a bright note, I’d like to point out that Del Rey’s new heel look is a breath of fresh air, and the aggressiveness she showed during the beatdown of Ariel is what was missing from her earlier run as a face, in my opinion.

Portia Perez vs Shark Girl
Sorry, I skipped this one. I tried to watch it, but I really hate Shark girl. Also, SHIMMER needs to do something about half their freaking roster wearing the same colors. Yes, black and pink go nice together, but this is getting out of control. Portia Perez still has one of the best entrances on any DVD she appears on.

Danyah vs Serena Deeb
Ah, Serena Deeb. She’s originally from OVW, but I tend to think of her as a SHIMMER native because she was their star rookie. She was/is one of the best pure, old-school babyfaces in SHIMMER, and it’s a shame she never got into a real feud with pre-Volume 14 Lacey. Deeb is back after an absence, during which she has apparently been mauled by a plastic surgeon. Now, everyone has the right to do whatever the hell they want with their face and body, and it’s not my place or anyone else’s to shake a finger at women who get some work done. So I won’t say that I’m disapproving of anything here; this is just my opinion, which is worth about as much as you’ve paid to read it. Her nose has been straightened, which isn’t much of a big deal at all, but the real problems, IMO, show up in the body work. Her trim, athletic build has been disfigured beyond recognition by a pair of silicone/saline globes that appear, at times, to be approximately the size of her head. Conversely, her ass has completely disappeared.

I sincerely hope that she had this work done for her own self-image, and not for any perceived preferences among male wrestling fans. Because as a male, I’m here to tell you that trading in a tight, athletic body with a perfectly fine pair of small to medium breasts and a shapely posterior for a flat ass and beach balls stapled to your chest is like storming out of a steak house and going to McDonald’s. Yes, there are guys who would do it, but who the hell cares what they think?

As the announcers point out, this is Deeb’s first outing in the ‘veteran’ role of a match in SHIMMER, facing off against the oh-so-green Danyah. The match is interesting for that reason, and possibly that reason only. It’s good to see Deeb in SHIMMER again, but Danyah isn’t much for her to work with, and Deeb’s best work has been against seasoned veteran heels. This was a dull, face/face affair, akin to the American version of an AJW rookie match (replace dropkicks with frequent lock-ups and awkward mat wrestling). I didn’t skip this, but you probably should.

I was talking to ELPS after watching this match, and he had this to say: Yeah, really why would you fucking put her against another babyface who’s extremely green, and is not big enough to realistically dominate Serena. Her whole thing is psychology and facial expressions. No wonder the crowd was so silent towards her even when she was about to wrestle Del Rey.

Cat Power/Veronika Vice vs Ashley Lane/Neveah
Ah, our first tag match of the disc. Power and Vice have the worst ring entrance music I’ve ever encountered; it hardly even sounds musical, and nobody should have to listen that hard to the lyrics of a damn entrance song. They look the part though, so it’s all forgivable so far…and Vice gets extra points for wearing an entrance robe.

The commentary, as has been the trend lately, is terrible. Prazak spends more time on color than play by play, and Allison Danger goes about her usual business of burying the heels and making weird jokes. This is basically what SHIMMER commentary would sound like if I was doing it with a buddy of mine after a couple of beers.

Back to the match. I’ve never taken much notice of Cat Power before this, but she makes very good use of her size in this match, and is blessed with a pair of hard-working faces. Lane and Neveah never stopped working the crowd from the minute they emerged from the curtain, and it paid dividends with a fair amount of crowd heat for what is, at the end of the day, still an undercard match. My only complaint here is the horrible attempt at a “dragon sleeper” that Cat used. Still, it’s one flaw in a match that was otherwise a textbook example of the ‘ol “Ricky Morton” tag match formula. It felt a bit too short, and the ending was particularly abrupt…it felt like the ending of a Smackdown vs RAW 2009 tag match in a way, but it was a great appetizer and showcased everyone involved. I wish the DVD had started with this match.

Amazing Kong vs Lorelei Lee
Guess how this match ends. Go ahead, I’ll wait. Some knucklehead in the crowd starts a “please don’t die” chant…man I hate the fan chants in this promotion. Commentary was much better during this match, and my usual complaints about Lee aren’t really applicable, as the match is primarily Kong offense. Amazing Kong is quite possibly the best female wrestler in the U.S. right now…her match consistency is almost impossibly good, and she’s like a fucking scientist when it comes to playing a monster heel. She knows *precisely* when to transition to the babyface comeback to keep her squashes interesting. She should teach classes.

Nicole Matthews vs Nikki Roxx
It’s so jarring to see the Nikki Roxx entrance, complete with Beck music, and then see “Roxxi Leveaux” come out. OMG POLISH HAMMER! Roxx is still throwing those “big boots” to the gut ala Sara Del Rey…in fact, this is sort of like watching a time warm back to the babyface days of Del Rey, though Roxx gives up a lot more offense. I truly enjoy Nicole Matthews, so I’m able to forgive the little flaws, like a horrid jumping knee that Roxx had the kindness to sell anyway. Nicole Matthews in this match is everything that I like about goofball heels without jumping the shark into International Homewrecking Crew material. Surprising to see the announcers actually putting over one of their heels besides Kong, but a welcome surprise. Finish was awfully sudden again, but no complaints. Matthews looked good against a main eventer who has moved on to televised wrestling. Probably one of the best examples I’ve seen of them trying to elevate one of their under/midcarders in quite some time.

Allison Danger vs Jennifer Blake
I really want to like Jennifer Blake; anyone who claims to have run away from home as a teen to meet Bret “The Hitman” Hart has to be some kind of awesome. But her tag matches did nothing for me. Allison Danger can put a match together pretty well though, and the result is quite watchable. Blake’s contrived ‘dropkick to opponent in a chair’ spot gets turned on its head and she eats a nice lariat on the outside, which brought a smile to my face (I hate contrived brawling spots…I don’t mind chairs at all, but I prefer things to look more organic). As much as I can’t stand Allison Danger on commentary is as much as I enjoy her matches, for the most part…I’d really like to see her doing more in-ring work. Prazak is also a much better play by play man when he’s working alone…even pointing out the (hilarious) parody of Kenta Kobashi’s machinegun chops in the corner. Best finish of the disc so far, and it’s about time somebody tried to put over pinning combos as a potential match-ender.

Oh man, bonus! Post-match confrontation with Nicole Matthews and Portia Perez! In a fight over Canadian pride! Perez calls Danger a diet-Canadian! Why can’t wrestling always be this awesome?!

Rain vs LuFisto
LuFisto is now billed as being from Montreal, Japan. I’ve nothing to say about that, it’s just a non-sequitir. Rain starts off with the patented “YEAH!” headlock, a joke that wore out its welcome two volumes ago. LuFisto reminds me that biting does indeed have a place in wrestling…just not ass-biting by humanoid sharks. LuFisto does everything humanly possible to make Rain look dangerous, but the goofball aura is strong in this one. Camera angles need a little work…setting up a camel clutch facing directly AWAY from the stationary camera isn’t a good idea, because there is nothing interesting about the ass-end of a camel clutch. All the action is up front.

Anyway, this match is probably the most vocal I’ve ever seen LuFisto, and it’s not a bad thing at all. This was a good return match, and Rain makes an excellent punching bag. She’s capable of much more than that, but that seems to be her role in Shimmer these days, so it is what it is. Burning Hammer ends this one for LuFisto, who is apparently now officially using the Super Hardcore Anime gimmick in Shimmer now.

Sara Del Rey vs Ariel
This was set up by the finish of the Battle Royal earlier. Del Rey’s new heel music is awesome…nice to see her shedding the shadow of Danielson that’s been hanging over her. PRE MATCH ATTACK~! I’ve been waiting for this for so long…it’s almost like we have real heels now. I only wish that this heel turn had been explained better than “I lose my title, and shit goes crazy”, but I’m not complaining about the results. But still…I mean, somehow between DVD tapings she changed outfits, started wearing kickpads, and started drawing in an extra pair of eyebrows on her face? But I digress. This is a lot like a more competitive version of the Ariel/Kong match.

Del Rey seems to be having more fun as a heel. The more methodical pace works well for her as well, and she’s good about remembering where the cameras are, even altering the angle of her holds to ensure that she and Ariel are facing the cameras correctly. This match marks the first time I’ve seen Del Rey win a match where the finish actually put over the loser as much or more than the winner. I only wish they’d turned Del Rey sooner, when she still had the belt.

Cheerleader Melissa vs Mercedes Martinez
Lots of mat wrestling to start. This is a first encounter for these two in Shimmer, and though it’s clear to most that Martinez is a bit further up the totem pole in Shimmer than Melissa, this is as close and competitive a match as I’ve seen on this disc so far. Strikes look good, as one would expect from these two. Commentary is especially good here, with Danger actually bringing up her injury at the hands of Melissa’s finisher to put over the potency of the Air Raid Crush (for obvious reasons, I refuse to call it a Crash, haha).

This match is a little remeniscent of the Royal Road style I used to love so much in All Japan, with a slow build up to start, heavy on mat wrestling, building to more heated striking, outside brawling, and finally a full sprint of big moves that the crowd is all over because they’ve been made to wait so long before the big spots came out. It falls a little short of Royal Road, as there weren’t enough false finishes for it, but given how protected finishers are in the U.S., that’s understandable. Perhaps instead of “American Strong Style” or “American Joshi”, they should consider calling the style “Queen’s Road”?

Post-match, we get more of this “good sportsmanship” nonsense, followed by a backstage promo with Sara Del Rey. Rebecca Bayless is awfully chatty, making it actually understandable when Del Rey lashes out at her. The rest of the promo itself is…um….yeah. Think of those HHH promos about how obsessed he is with the belt, but without Hunter’s obvious comfort in front of a camera. It wasn’t bad, but I’ll never understand why indie promotions seem to insist on just one filming for promos, and airing whatever came out of it. It can’t be that hard to find a student theatre director to pitch in.

Main Event: Ms Chif vs Jetta
Jetta mic work starts us off, dedicating her title win to Lacey and running through some incomprehensible heel mic work that is impossible to understand because the mic is too close to her mouth and she’s got that slightly mush-mouthed thing that I’ve come to expect from the English when they aren’t speaking formally.

Ms Chif as the new Shimmer ace will take some getting used to, and I mean that in the most awesome way possible. Bryce Remsburg oversells the screaming as always, as though this joke could never wear out it’s welcome.

If only this were true.

As one might expect, Jetta’s clown act is very well done, and if this were a children’s birthday party I’d give her my highest endorsement. As a title challenger, however, she leaves much to be desired. Lots of “screaming as actual offense”, heel tactics executed too goofily to be taken seriously as a threat…as a title defense, this was pretty poor IMO. Considering that they tape two volumes in one night, this makes sense as a middle of show thing, right before the intermission. As the main event of a DVD, it falls somewhere between inocuously lame and semi-unacceptable. Mediocre ending to a fairly mediocre DVD. The majority of it is worth watching, but given the price of DVDs it would be nice if the cards were a bit tighter.